Loving twice

Love can exist in two different places
You took it
Or did i give it away when you left
Love goes on even when your not around

It exists in the memories that always seem to be found
It exists when i lie next to him
No other place i would rather be
And yet you are the place i would rather be

Love still exists in two different places
I can't seem to take it back from you
Yet i always seem to give it to him
A little bit of happiness mixed with the sweetest sin

And yet you still exist

Mixed Up

It was my decision
Right down to the wedding day
It was my heart that told me i would be ok
It was my head that told me i was better off
It was my body that said you werent enough

So i stand here all dressed in white
Nervous about not being able to leave you out of my new life
I go on having someone elses child
Still thinking it should be yours all the while

It was my decision
Right down to the goodbye
It was my heart that told me not to cry
It was my head that told to let you go
It was my body that choose not to let the pain show

Untitled

Hi blog long time no see just thought i would come in and add a little something...

If what i found is real then how come i can't deal
With the thought of losing you
If real love is what i sought and i feel that's what i got
How come i can't seem to shake you
Turning back the hands of time is always impossible when i have you on my mind

If what i have makes me happy why can't i just let you and i be?
Memories sting me like a motorist riding in the rain
If am in love then how come i still feel so much pain?

You can call me confused, miserable and mislead
But none of those words seem to get you out of my head
I can say it over and over
Convince myself that i am fine

But while am lying with him i can't take you off my mind

Passive aggressive

I feel i need to get this out
This emotion consuming me

Just need to get up and shout
Be what and who am supposed to be

Quiet as a mouse is no longer my personality

Go-getter
Must- haver
Now describes me

If i don't do this procrastation will get the best of me
Then i will never be able to see what i can truly be

So i kick and i scream and i knock that door down
And you know what i say:
Look out world ITS MY TIME NOW!

Doubting

Pieces of my heart floating to you
You captured me and now
I don't know what to do

To love or be love? Infamous line by the great
Wish i knew i had what it takes
Doubting myself when the vision is so clear

Yet i do not see what is so near
And so i guess
And assume
And wait for time to pass

Hopefully at the end of it all
Perhaps you will be mine at last

COnfused

Hi blog long time no see well anyways here goes...

Have you ever been sitting wondering
Waiting
Pondering
On whats going to be the next best thing
Big thing
To Happen?

Guessing, wishing, floating on a dream
Something i seem want
But do i really understand what i want
What i need

Complicated, frustrated just being a woman at best
Never ceasing to be mis understood
I guess

Doting on a future that don't seem to dote me
Just waiting
Wondering
Whats going to be the next thing

Phases

Yes.... were in that infatuation phase
The "I can't keep my hands off of you" phase
And when i wake up i want to call you phase

Where I love you's follow the end of every phone call
And me thinking about you is like my everything and all

I can't wait to get more in that "I love you" phase
Where the feelings get more deep and sincere
Where every morning i wake up i want you there

Phase where words do not need to be spoken
The eyes says it all
Where you are scared to let me down
Scared to fall

But mistakes have to made
Pain to know joy
Then science would make sense
When girl meets boy

Phase where mortgage meets kids,
Meets me
Meets you and a dog

Phase where "I do" will mean everything and my world
With you holding it all

Dreamer

Chasing and dreaming
Wondering what to be
Because law school just wasn't for me

Lost in translation
Blinded by hope
Wishing and still dreaming
Wanting it the most

JOURNALIST is what i call me
JOURNALIST is what i want to be
But sometimes JOURNALIST strays so far from me

Distant but yet so close
Like i said i want it the most

Waiting patiently for the recession to end
Not wanting to be stuck in the newspaper pen

So until i develop my own unique field
I guess am just another girl....chasing a dream

Habit

I try to stop breathing but its a habit that's hard to break
Like me talking to you and you talking to me
Like me moving on and leaving you in the past and you always being there
Constantly

Like biting my nails, even though i want to stop
I can't
The taste of hard, flesh tone material growing out of my fingers fascinates me
Like your taste fascinates my senses, addicts me, wanting me not to stop

Bad habits are everywhere like smoking
Well, i don't smoke but sometimes i think your the equivalent to any addiction
Don't get me wrong i like breathing and biting my nails
But like the two i can't stop
Loving you

Stolen

Morning rises and sun begins to shine
My heart thumps, matching the rhythum of my body, soul and mind
My limbs stretch and my eyes flutter

Your kisses are wet
Your touch is like no other
What i would'nt mind is waking up to your sweet face
What i would'nt mind is spending forever in your embrace

Peaceful night reminds of things unknown
The dark so still
So fearless, so prone

You are gone to your family
Your home
The perfect husband, father, lover and friend
Just not my own

Stolen days and stolen nights
What i would'nt give to be your wife

Walking on Broken Glass

I've been walking on broken glass
Hurting myself just to see if i still feel
And the more i walk on broken glass
The longer my heart takes to heal

No longer wanting these emotions that have taken over me
Exceeded its time in my heart
Yet holding me back like bondage
Broken glass at me feet

As painful as it is i keep moving forward on these broken glass
Waiting to see how long time will take to past
How long my heart will take to change its mind
How long the glass will continue to pierce me

Walking on broken glass

Minutes away from death

I saw him swerve the corner
Dash past the red light
Sweat on his brow
Death in his sight
He barely avoided the curb
And the truck on his left
He made a direct call to a figure called death

Red mustang going just about 90 miles an hour
Just him and the steering wheel
A loud radio and the blast
Didn't even see death looking through his glass
Cellphone on the ear
Cigarette in the mouth
He nearly rear ended me
But his brakes helped him out

Overtook a minivan with a mom and her kids
Overtook an old man
Rolling his eye lids
If only he wasn't rolling them
Then he would see it coming
A small Honda civic, barely running

Turning a corner and hooting a horn
Life flashes before his eyes, straight to the day when he was born
Minutes away from death
Burnt from his own cigarette
Totalled his precious mustang and the civic too

Breathless but not lifeless
Slow down this could have been you

Its not until you find yourself always thinking about him that you relize
You've fallen, hopelessly and helplessly fallen
You never saw it
Probably could'nt stop it


You start living life on the edge
Taking chances
Forgetting, forgiving
Kissing and most of all living


Its not until you find yourself smiling when no one said a joke
Waiting for the next time to see their face
Relating every love song
Thinking about the next touch, smell taste

Its not until.....

Alicia Keys must have known all about me when she wrote the song falling because lately thats all my heart does
And Beyonce must of heard my heart beating when she wrote dangerously in love
India Arie had to know how you looked when she wrote brown skin
And Destinys Child must have saw your brown eyes because i love when you look at me with a passion
Micheal Bolton never told me how to live without you
And Whitney Houston must have known i will always love you even when i let you go
My love song, my melody
My Ballad, My Foofy

Random things

Hi blog, me again. SOOOO I decided to start writing about my intern adventures downtown because it seems almost every time i come down here i see something that i am absolutely positive is not normal and if it is it shouldn't be. So today am walking my very, very far ( i mean more than a mile, well at least it feels like it) walk from parking ( which cost me 3 dollars out of my own pocket but we won't go there( because the ministry of tourism won't give me access to closer parking at there facilities but anyways) to the Ministry of tourism, i happen to see in Rawson Square 3 random chicks cheer leading. AM THINKING... At 10 am when the temperature is said to be 81 degrees you girls want to cheer lead? Hmm interesting..... so i decide to watch (never mind the fact that am late because i had 2....yes 2 flat tires this morning but ehh there not paying me and besides its government so we all know how that goes). So these chicks are doing a full fledged stamp my feet clap your hand routine in the sun for free? Were they practicing? Did they just want exposure? Or were they expecting money to be drop into a top hat? These questions among many others consumed my forehead until i realized hey its 81 degrees and am wearing a suit, a hot one at that..TIME TO GO!!! Well i was perplexed and i thought about that as i walked my remaining 4 blocks. WEIRD! Well till next time and trust me these days there always is a next time.

Dream

Drifting away into a land full of dreams
Burying my thoughts and wearing my heart on my sleeve
Careless and carefree without a doubt in my mind
You and me could't be more defined

If only life was a fairy tale then all my wishes would come true
And you loving me could be in sync with me loving you
And not only Cinderella would have that happily ever after
Tinkerbell and Peter Pan would be our dinner guests from here on after

I'll wear that poof of a white dress on that blessed day
You would praise me for my beauty and my good grace
I would praise you for you patience and your heart like a child
We would walk away together with a great big smile

Sadly the alarm clock wakes me and jares my back
Reality sets in and my life resumes on track
I am alone with a dog and a cell phone
No one to love me
All alone

Last thought

Homeless, jobless, feeling near worthless
No prayers can save him
His minds is in a pool of doubts
No prayers can save him
He sees this as his only way out

Negativity surrounds him
Car repossessed, feelings consuming him more than stress
Just pray about it they say
But his mind is made up
He's just waiting on the day
The voices in his heads coerces him
DO IT! DO IT!

His blessing quickly turned in his curse, his only way out
Phone constantly rings
His thoughts consume him, makes him, breaks him
Handsome, black ,strong man watching his life taken away
By a bleak economy

He sees his reflection
He winces at the site
Sharp, piercing
Red stains the carpet, silent cries escape

The last thing his mind allows him to play
A family dinner was prepared
The last time all his kids will see him sitting there

Mash potatoes, chicken and corn
His wife is seen feeding the newborn
Smiling at him with hopeful eyes
The voices still tell him it would be better to die

It's after 4pm
The voices stop
Three kids and beautiful, black, strong wife
Why would this man take his own life

Homeless, jobless feeling near worthless

Recession exceeding more than six months?

History sure does repeat itself

Didnt the world go through this like two times already



Now unemployment aint racist no more

It just about knocking on every bodies door

Screw minorities it getting the rich too

Bailouts? What the hell they suppose to do



Times are getting troubled

More mothers having babies

A woman just had eight and now she wants donations

And didnt gas prices take a dive? So why are food prices still so high



So they say this could take like 3 years to blow over

We been in recession long time but they just official announce it last year October

Old folks turning to the 'Good Book'

Signs of the last days?

Let's wait to see if Obama is worth all the praise



Maybe we should start going to church since we can't borrow from the bank

Maybe it will help many from thinking suicide is the best option

And what's up with all the foreclosures?

Where all them people suppose to go?



I see the Chinese buying up

And this is suppose to be good

How much black people work at the Chinese in you neighborhood

Ok Ok maybe a few but notice how much cameras they got watching them and you

Ah boy.. ReaL LifE

Going back

Hi blog just another thing i was feeling... might be a lil long doh

I want to go back to my sesame street days
Lazy days , crazy days
Those no mommy i don't wanna bath days
Spending summers on the island days
Fighting sun fly and mosquitoes days

I want to go back to my Doug and porkchop days
Rugrat days, Lunchable days
Those mommy am sick days
Spending weekends at sleepover days
Fixing hair and trying on make up days

I want to go back to my trl and much music days
First boyfriend days, can't wait to finish high school days
Those back talking mommy days
Getting slap and acting tough days
Saying that ain't even hurt days but rubbing that same spot days

I want to go back to my college days
Hanging under that tree days, Wendy's across the street days
Those daddy buy my first car days
Crying cause i mash the thing 2 weeks after i get it days
Hiding by my boyfriend days, scared as hell days

I want to go back to my first job days
Working for fun days, just to buy clothes days
Those daddy i going to the club days
Thinking cocktails and dreams was the best days
Showing off my first tattoo and piercing days

If only time could take me back cause i miss it already
Eating mommy pancakes and good ole spaghetti
Daddy teaching how to drive a car
Even though he never let me drive it far

Hanging out with best friends and giggling on the phone
Being told to get the hell off and do your homework soon
throwback to the 90's cause thats where I learned all about me

MISSING THOSE GOOD OLE DAYS LIKE CRAZY

Miss you all over

How bout if you kiss me with sweet tenders lips
Trail your fingers and discover a new place on my body
Embrace me and make me miss you all over

How bout if you touch me with those strong hands of yours
And smother me with you confidence
Let your scent linger and make me miss you all over

How bout if you take me to places i dare not speak
Do those naughty things that make me weak
Lets yours lips do the touching and make me miss you all over

How bout if you love me and i loved you back
Be my happily ever after, my rest of my life
Be my phone call, my text message
Be my kisses stolen late at night and make me miss you all over

Me

Right before the definite A comes a resounding D all followed by a Ph which is often confused for a f or pha then closing it off would be NE. DAPHNE defines who i am and who i possibly will always be. People say your name is the only thing you will have throughout your life and even after you die. Well thats me. Caught up in a world of lies and unforgivable past. Curving its way is the S covered by the better half of the m&m duo followed by the I that points towards the sky which is where i will end up distancing itself from the cross who is my one and only savior but never to far from the the H which is the very heart of me. SMITH suppose to be Storr but i can't be bought anywhere so i'll stick with my British title. Waiting for it to one day be changed a day that may never come.This is simply who i am in its entirety.

My Wish For You

I wish you love unconditionally

And dance till there is no tommorrow

I wish you kiss passionately

And never experience sorrow

I wish you happy times

And sad ones to show you life lessons

I wish you success and lots of blessings

But most of all i wish you peace

Hi blog me again, have you ever had one of those days when your family feels like you were there last hope? Well am having one of dos days, dos weeks, dos months and dos years. Feels like am the only one who made it and i haven't even gotten anywhere yet. Like am da only one that made it so every1 looks at me with those Oliver twist eyes and start begging. Can i have some more please? No you may not have no more what do i look like Obama? Am not tryna b selfish but am not here to help ery1 because i cnt help ery1. My heart is so big because most of the time i succumb to those poor lil Bambi eyes and i do give. I am my families financial bailout. Months away from a lil college degree i already here the cha ching in there minds. I have come to believe that they don't try hard enough for themselves because they already believe, already know Daphne will do it or give it or help. Am at that point where i want to hide and run from it all. You know move to a different island and wire a check down when i feel like it, call when i feel like it and certainlyvisit when i feel like it. I have a good friend who always reminds me Daphne you can't save them and you can't always help them only one man can do that and well he ain reach yet. So until then, until i can no longer stand to hear there plea,cry and Bambi eyes, this is my story for the week, month, day and year.

Stay

Stay
Even if you don't want to
I want you to
Stay

I need you to
Stay
See you don't understand what your presence does to me
What it makes me become
I just want you
Stay

Even if for a little while though i want you
Stay
Longer, for months for years not just days
Stay
In that warm place
Where my heart beats only because you
Stay

Stay
With me
Become one with me
Love me
But only if you want to
Stay

I hear you
In the back of my mind i hear you
My blessing and my curse
I hear you
I always hear you
Sometimes a whisper
Sometimes a shout but i hear you

I can't save you
Your screams for help i can't ignore but i can't save you
You want me to be the hero but all i do is hear you
It pains me to hear you

Like a empty room that echoes
Echoes of pain. suffering and hurt
I always hear you

Sometimes i wish i can deafen you
But all i do is hear
I hear what you want from me
What you want me to be
What i must sacrifice

I hate hearing you
Like a broken record
Your sounds replay and replay and rewind and replay
I hear you

Murderer

Sirens
That's all i hear
Paralyzed in the moment
A moment that shouldn't have been the next moment

Red, Red is everywhere
On the walls
My shoes
My hands
My face!

I got red on my face!

Everything is moving in slow motion
White, red and black is creeping near
Can clothes walk?
If yes, then why towards me?

Finally i look down and there it is
Eyes staring back at me
Blank stares, Empty, Lifeless

Why are these eyes looking at me? and whats with the siren?
A scream, loud and piercing
Shouts and scream join in a never ending chorus

Then i hear something
You have the right to remain silent
Silent? But i am silent

Silent, red, paralyzed

I did it but did i want to do it?

It was a joke a hypothetical joke passed down from years and years of suppression from her.
Her? Yes her!!!!

She had it coming
I am no longer paralyzed
She feeds my anger
Quenches my evil side

I laugh that cynical laugh
Things start moving fast
Blobs of black swarm the place
More blank stares, a finger pointed

Murderer!!!

He talks

Hey blog, just little something different from my usually love themed blogs.

Above the Hallelujahs and Amens
You hear him
Before praise and worship and after benediction
You hear him
Interspersed between the the church's organs and the preachers cry
You hear him

Give give give
Want want want

Seems like the place of God is in a recession too

Thought this was a place i got saved
But can't seem to save when all i hear is him

No its not God talking to me
Its him

The dollar sign, the cha ching noise in church thats what i hear that what i see
Him calling begging

Salvation apparently comes with a price.

About Love

Just a lil something that was floating in my mind...


People love differently
Some love more intense than others
That public display of affection the makes onlookers grovel
I don't know how i love
Or if i love at all
I was told i was heartless, cold
Made me think the hell with love
Then made me regret love or falling in love or my lack of love, loving
21 years young and am already tired of love
If that's what you call it
One day,maybe, I'll see eye to eye with love and actually understand it
Maybe even display it
Then I'll be one those PDA's
Ignoring my envious onlookers who are just miserable and lacking what i found...Love
Maybe because what i thought was love wasn't just a cloudy misrepresentation
Maybe i found myself
Maybe love was there all along and i just wasn't ready
I often wonder when will i be like India Arie and too sing my tune " I am ready for love"
Well like i said 21 years young, no rush
Guess am just scared of lonely

Regret

I hope tomorrow i dont wake up and realize what i lost

yesterday won't ever come back

Especially not at this cost

At the moment it seems so right

I hope am not chasing a dream that disappears in the darkest night

I don't want any regrets of what could have been

I don't want to miss tomorrow

Because i can't turn back time

And what use to be might never ever be mine

You make mistakes and you learn

I hope my mistake won't leave me burned

Burned, bitter

Chasing father time

Looking for him like he owes me money

Hating myself

Darkness

All the lights are off
The room is still with darkness
Darkness that fills my heart
Guilt rimming over
Paining me like a stab wound in one of the most unthinkable places

This is how i feel when i think about you and me.
Alone in the dark
With my mind playing tricks on me
Wanting to turn on the light but ashamed to see myself in the truth

You can't play with people feelings
Am playing with them harder than a guitar
Playing my guitar in the dark room
The room still with darkness
Only the sounds of the guitar playing

Playing hard, falling out and falling in
Afraid to let go
Selfish, greedy, gluttonous

I wish it were easier, simpler
I wish it were not you
I wish it were not me

Pretending is dangerous
That's why i stay in my dark room
So i won't see what i have become
See my mask
Maybe you won't find me here

All the lights are off
The room is still with darkness

HAPPY NEW YEAR REFLECTION

Well blog it is January 1st, 2009. A whole year has come and gone and of course there have been good times and bad times. Boy did last year just fly by. So many problems so little time. World wide there was the gas problem and the recession. However on a positive note Barack Obama won the presidential campaign (YEA!!!!!) Hopeful all the hype was worthwhile.

Enough about nothing. 2008 has brought me love, laughter, joy and pain. I was given new responsibilities and i abandoned old ones. Mentally i handled all the problems that came my way. Physically i gained a few pounds but who cares you only live once and emotionally well am as happy as i can be with a few ups and downs but hey life can't be perfect and it won't be even when you think it is.

2008 began with a shiny white car, another semester in school and unemployed parents. But i managed to handle all quite well, the latter being the hardest part which am still working on. It also made me a year older 6 days later. Which i celebrated under the stars in an Italian restaurant called Lucianos. I went through valentines more birthdays and holidays coming right back down to another new year. I maintained friendships, rediscovered old ones, made new ones and have created stronger bonds with my family. I must say i was blessed in 2008 and for me to complain would be ungrateful. So i won't. I will take my struggles and continue to hustle.

I didn't come up with a new years resolution because i want to take life as it comes. The only thing i want to do it live my life without hesitation and worry.
2009 Guys...MAKE THIS YOUR YEAR TO SHINE!!!!!