Jealousy

I looked in the mirror and what did i see?
It was jealousy starring right back at me
It envied my eyes and it envied my nose
It envied my smile
It envied my clothes
Jealousy followed me everywhere i went
I couldn't work with out hearing whispering
I couldn't sleep on my soft pillow
Because there were talks about that
Somehow jealousy always knew where i was at
It loved to see me fail and hated to see me prosper
It wanted all possessions and it wanted all my friends
In fact jealousy wanted my life
I had to set jealousy straight and tell it to get the hell out of my face
Because when i look in the mirror all i want to see is peace smiling right back at me

My Favorite gift

Hi blog, seeing that today is christmas i thought that i would write about my favorite gift in my whole lil lifetime.

It wasnt quite Christmas morning but it was along that week. My dad went out and said he'd be right back. Now i don't quite remember when i said i wanted this gift but my dad did.He was only suppose to be going for groceries but there it was, like a glow of light. Nothing else seemed relevant at that time. Now when he first returned i thought i was just helping him bring in the groceries but he came in with this bag full of idk wood chips, which at first glance i thought was dog food. Now idk why i thought it was dog food because at time we didnt even had a dog. But anyways as he proceeded inside there is was hidden behind him....A HAMSTER!!! I absolutely loved it. Furry tiny and all for me. Trixie Twiggy Mollie Smith was its name and i never let him out my site. That was the best present my dad ever gave or anyone else for that matter. Thats the Christmas i remember the most.

How it used to be

Puzzled over how things used to be
That constant i love you and you loving me
All of whats turned into memories
Missing you and our intimacy



Late night visits
Sneaking back at home
Wishing you could come home with me
Wrapped up with someone else



Passion bubbles over and its hard to control
My passion for you is taking its toll
Drawing a line between love and hate
Hating the line thats been draw but its too late

Can't turn back the time

Am forever living the past

Its true what people say forever never lasts

Life

Repeating those famous words from a Tupac song: Why am i trying to live if am just living to die". Isn't life funny? We spend our whole lives trying to accomplish material possesions forgetting that we are leaving them all behind possibly for family members to fight over. So why am i trying to live if am just living to die? Why do i wake up nearly every morning and go to work even when i don't want to? Do i really have to make that money? It has been engrained in our system from before our time that this is the way our life will be. Those fortunate enough will receive a thorough education, get a good job build that house and eventually die in it. I always wonder why God made us to be so monotonous and live such repetitive lifestyle, generation after generation. Are we his little pawns? Is this really why he created us. Well of course you know i have not received and answer to those questions and i have learnt from my grandparents and the little bit of teaching i have gathered from church to not question God and accept things as they are. I was only prompted to write this blog because I was on bet.com looking at a recap of 2008. What stood out to me was all those so called "legends" that died this past year leaving all of their glory and riches behind. Was that what we were meant to do? I just stared at their pictures and tried to think of how their life must have been when they were alive. Most of the pictures had smiling faces.Was that day the greatest moments of their lives? Did they think they would live forever? Did the thought of death cross their minds? Well most of my questions are rhetorical because i think the people with the answers are long gone into dust. But of course i was simply wondering.

Hey blog long time no write. Just got caught up in the holiday season. This is just a lil something that was buzzing in my head.

What does it take to be a real man?
Is it his bank account or what he's got in his pants
Maybe its his swagger and the sexy way he smiles
Or is it his kisses that drive you wild?
Are you blinded by the bling?
Is he a real man cause he gets you tingling?

What does it take to make him your man?
The flashy car that he doesn't let you drive
Or the comforting way he puts on that wet and wild?
Dirty minds think alike
So maybe that's what has you in sync
Or is he a real man because he makes your heart think?

Is he a real man because he folds your clothes
Or is it the way he makes you touch your toes
I've got lots of sexy connotations that'll make you smile
But is he a real man cause he takes care of your child

Does he listen to your every word when the world is against you
Is he a real man because you want him to
Can you make a real man or do find him?
Is he a mamas boy?
A gangsta?
A feminine heterosexual?
A wanksta?
A accountant or a houseman?
Does he work for Sandals?
Does he drive a Benz?

Whats does it take? Do you even know?
Does he have to like your daddy?
Get your families approval?
A real man ain't something you come across everyday

Pedestrian Crossing

Why in the streets of Nassau is there no regard for pedestrians. I watch my life nearly flash before my eyes on numerous occasions. I mean literally saw myself from toddler hood to my newly found adulthood trying to cross these crazy streets. Imagine what the tourist must think. Sometimes i feel a little bold and think if i start walking the car will see me and eventually slow down....STUPID ME! I think the cars just go faster. I cannot even fathom what may go through these drivers head when they see human beings crossing the street. They practically try run us over like our very own pot cakes which by the way my heart always goes out to when i see them laying lifeless on the side of the road. Just last week Friday i watched a female security officer get knocked down by Sandals and guess what? The driver didn't even stop. Luckily she wasn't hurt. All she did was sat there and cried but what if? You know that tragic what if situation. I don't know what it will take for us to acknowledge these zebra prints specifically put on our streets.

What goes around comes around

Memories linger in the deep corners of my mind

Dwelling on my unforgivable past

Cardinal sin

Guilty pleasure

I wish it were more simple

But life doesn't work that way

To live a life of lies

To go or to stay

No one likes to get hurt

So why should i be the bearer of bad news?

Choosing between you and I, him and me

Careful with who i love and careful with my intimacy

Pleasure quickly boils over to pain

Regret and confusion , and irremovable stain

Staining me, possessing me, hating me

Returning like a circle, running away from karma and her arrows

Darting this bad luck that follows, trying to undo who has be done

Realizing now what goes around comes around

Butterflies

Butterflies...that's what you give me
Those forbidden butterflies that aren't meant for you
Stolen butterflies that shouldn't be happening to me

Tipsy and pissy drunk with love
Talking to myself reliving our forbidden conversations
Tingly butterflies all over my skin

They say love can be interchanged for crazy
Am starting to believe they are right

Those butterflies...oh those butterflies

Things are happening that i do not want to happen
Shouldn't be happening at least not from you
But once again those butterflies never miss a season, a day, a night

I think it all started with the butterflies
That's what let me know
This won't be an ordinary conversation
This will be much more

Wishing it was more than butterflies and wishing it was less
To many emotions, real life and possibly a broken heart
But the butterflies just make you want to forget whats at stake

Put on that sly smile and go out late

Disappear into the dark with that dangerous smile

Waiting for those butterflies to send you wild

Forbidden butterflies
Butterflies...that's what you give me

Some people forgive but never forget

The hurt I've been through would never go away
So i close my eyes and think tomorrow is another day
And though life goes on as time never waits
Some people forgive but never forget
The hurt it lives on
Clinging for dear life
Will it ever go away
Do i want it to go away?
It is almost like the hurt has become a part of me
Molded me into who i am
Who i want to be
And though life goes on as time never waits
Some people forgive but never forget
I want to forget but i don't want to forget
You know one of those dreams where i am far away from life and all its hurt
I can't let hurt go and it won't let me be
Haunting, Watching, Stalking
I feel as though i will always be incomplete because i need hurt and hurt needs me
Some people forgive and don't want to forget, never forgets, just can't forget