I hear you
In the back of my mind i hear you
My blessing and my curse
I hear you
I always hear you
Sometimes a whisper
Sometimes a shout but i hear you
I can't save you
Your screams for help i can't ignore but i can't save you
You want me to be the hero but all i do is hear you
It pains me to hear you
Like a empty room that echoes
Echoes of pain. suffering and hurt
I always hear you
Sometimes i wish i can deafen you
But all i do is hear
I hear what you want from me
What you want me to be
What i must sacrifice
I hate hearing you
Like a broken record
Your sounds replay and replay and rewind and replay
I hear you
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Murderer
Sirens
That's all i hear
Paralyzed in the moment
A moment that shouldn't have been the next moment
Red, Red is everywhere
On the walls
My shoes
My hands
My face!
I got red on my face!
Everything is moving in slow motion
White, red and black is creeping near
Can clothes walk?
If yes, then why towards me?
Finally i look down and there it is
Eyes staring back at me
Blank stares, Empty, Lifeless
Why are these eyes looking at me? and whats with the siren?
A scream, loud and piercing
Shouts and scream join in a never ending chorus
Then i hear something
You have the right to remain silent
Silent? But i am silent
Silent, red, paralyzed
I did it but did i want to do it?
It was a joke a hypothetical joke passed down from years and years of suppression from her.
Her? Yes her!!!!
She had it coming
I am no longer paralyzed
She feeds my anger
Quenches my evil side
I laugh that cynical laugh
Things start moving fast
Blobs of black swarm the place
More blank stares, a finger pointed
Murderer!!!
That's all i hear
Paralyzed in the moment
A moment that shouldn't have been the next moment
Red, Red is everywhere
On the walls
My shoes
My hands
My face!
I got red on my face!
Everything is moving in slow motion
White, red and black is creeping near
Can clothes walk?
If yes, then why towards me?
Finally i look down and there it is
Eyes staring back at me
Blank stares, Empty, Lifeless
Why are these eyes looking at me? and whats with the siren?
A scream, loud and piercing
Shouts and scream join in a never ending chorus
Then i hear something
You have the right to remain silent
Silent? But i am silent
Silent, red, paralyzed
I did it but did i want to do it?
It was a joke a hypothetical joke passed down from years and years of suppression from her.
Her? Yes her!!!!
She had it coming
I am no longer paralyzed
She feeds my anger
Quenches my evil side
I laugh that cynical laugh
Things start moving fast
Blobs of black swarm the place
More blank stares, a finger pointed
Murderer!!!
Monday, January 19, 2009
He talks
Hey blog, just little something different from my usually love themed blogs.
Above the Hallelujahs and Amens
You hear him
Before praise and worship and after benediction
You hear him
Interspersed between the the church's organs and the preachers cry
You hear him
Give give give
Want want want
Seems like the place of God is in a recession too
Thought this was a place i got saved
But can't seem to save when all i hear is him
No its not God talking to me
Its him
The dollar sign, the cha ching noise in church thats what i hear that what i see
Him calling begging
Salvation apparently comes with a price.
Above the Hallelujahs and Amens
You hear him
Before praise and worship and after benediction
You hear him
Interspersed between the the church's organs and the preachers cry
You hear him
Give give give
Want want want
Seems like the place of God is in a recession too
Thought this was a place i got saved
But can't seem to save when all i hear is him
No its not God talking to me
Its him
The dollar sign, the cha ching noise in church thats what i hear that what i see
Him calling begging
Salvation apparently comes with a price.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
About Love
Just a lil something that was floating in my mind...People love differently
Some love more intense than others
That public display of affection the makes onlookers grovel
I don't know how i love
Or if i love at all
I was told i was heartless, cold
Made me think the hell with love
Then made me regret love or falling in love or my lack of love, loving
21 years young and am already tired of love
If that's what you call it
One day,maybe, I'll see eye to eye with love and actually understand it
Maybe even display it
Then I'll be one those PDA's
Ignoring my envious onlookers who are just miserable and lacking what i found...Love
Maybe because what i thought was love wasn't just a cloudy misrepresentation
Maybe i found myself
Maybe love was there all along and i just wasn't ready
I often wonder when will i be like India Arie and too sing my tune " I am ready for love"
Well like i said 21 years young, no rush
Guess am just scared of lonely
Regret
I hope tomorrow i dont wake up and realize what i lost
yesterday won't ever come back
Especially not at this cost
At the moment it seems so right
I hope am not chasing a dream that disappears in the darkest night
I don't want any regrets of what could have been
I don't want to miss tomorrow
Because i can't turn back time
And what use to be might never ever be mine
You make mistakes and you learn
I hope my mistake won't leave me burned
Burned, bitter
Chasing father time
Looking for him like he owes me money
Hating myself
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Darkness
All the lights are off
The room is still with darkness
Darkness that fills my heart
Guilt rimming over
Paining me like a stab wound in one of the most unthinkable places
This is how i feel when i think about you and me.
Alone in the dark
With my mind playing tricks on me
Wanting to turn on the light but ashamed to see myself in the truth
You can't play with people feelings
Am playing with them harder than a guitar
Playing my guitar in the dark room
The room still with darkness
Only the sounds of the guitar playing
Playing hard, falling out and falling in
Afraid to let go
Selfish, greedy, gluttonous
I wish it were easier, simpler
I wish it were not you
I wish it were not me
Pretending is dangerous
That's why i stay in my dark room
So i won't see what i have become
See my mask
Maybe you won't find me here
All the lights are off
The room is still with darkness
The room is still with darkness
Darkness that fills my heart
Guilt rimming over
Paining me like a stab wound in one of the most unthinkable places
This is how i feel when i think about you and me.
Alone in the dark
With my mind playing tricks on me
Wanting to turn on the light but ashamed to see myself in the truth
You can't play with people feelings
Am playing with them harder than a guitar
Playing my guitar in the dark room
The room still with darkness
Only the sounds of the guitar playing
Playing hard, falling out and falling in
Afraid to let go
Selfish, greedy, gluttonous
I wish it were easier, simpler
I wish it were not you
I wish it were not me
Pretending is dangerous
That's why i stay in my dark room
So i won't see what i have become
See my mask
Maybe you won't find me here
All the lights are off
The room is still with darkness
HAPPY NEW YEAR REFLECTION
Well blog it is January 1st, 2009. A whole year has come and gone and of course there have been good times and bad times. Boy did last year just fly by. So many problems so little time. World wide there was the gas problem and the recession. However on a positive note Barack Obama won the presidential campaign (YEA!!!!!) Hopeful all the hype was worthwhile.
Enough about nothing. 2008 has brought me love, laughter, joy and pain. I was given new responsibilities and i abandoned old ones. Mentally i handled all the problems that came my way. Physically i gained a few pounds but who cares you only live once and emotionally well am as happy as i can be with a few ups and downs but hey life can't be perfect and it won't be even when you think it is.
2008 began with a shiny white car, another semester in school and unemployed parents. But i managed to handle all quite well, the latter being the hardest part which am still working on. It also made me a year older 6 days later. Which i celebrated under the stars in an Italian restaurant called Lucianos. I went through valentines more birthdays and holidays coming right back down to another new year. I maintained friendships, rediscovered old ones, made new ones and have created stronger bonds with my family. I must say i was blessed in 2008 and for me to complain would be ungrateful. So i won't. I will take my struggles and continue to hustle.
I didn't come up with a new years resolution because i want to take life as it comes. The only thing i want to do it live my life without hesitation and worry.
2009 Guys...MAKE THIS YOUR YEAR TO SHINE!!!!!
Enough about nothing. 2008 has brought me love, laughter, joy and pain. I was given new responsibilities and i abandoned old ones. Mentally i handled all the problems that came my way. Physically i gained a few pounds but who cares you only live once and emotionally well am as happy as i can be with a few ups and downs but hey life can't be perfect and it won't be even when you think it is.
2008 began with a shiny white car, another semester in school and unemployed parents. But i managed to handle all quite well, the latter being the hardest part which am still working on. It also made me a year older 6 days later. Which i celebrated under the stars in an Italian restaurant called Lucianos. I went through valentines more birthdays and holidays coming right back down to another new year. I maintained friendships, rediscovered old ones, made new ones and have created stronger bonds with my family. I must say i was blessed in 2008 and for me to complain would be ungrateful. So i won't. I will take my struggles and continue to hustle.
I didn't come up with a new years resolution because i want to take life as it comes. The only thing i want to do it live my life without hesitation and worry.
2009 Guys...MAKE THIS YOUR YEAR TO SHINE!!!!!
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