Regret

I hope tomorrow i dont wake up and realize what i lost

yesterday won't ever come back

Especially not at this cost

At the moment it seems so right

I hope am not chasing a dream that disappears in the darkest night

I don't want any regrets of what could have been

I don't want to miss tomorrow

Because i can't turn back time

And what use to be might never ever be mine

You make mistakes and you learn

I hope my mistake won't leave me burned

Burned, bitter

Chasing father time

Looking for him like he owes me money

Hating myself

Darkness

All the lights are off
The room is still with darkness
Darkness that fills my heart
Guilt rimming over
Paining me like a stab wound in one of the most unthinkable places

This is how i feel when i think about you and me.
Alone in the dark
With my mind playing tricks on me
Wanting to turn on the light but ashamed to see myself in the truth

You can't play with people feelings
Am playing with them harder than a guitar
Playing my guitar in the dark room
The room still with darkness
Only the sounds of the guitar playing

Playing hard, falling out and falling in
Afraid to let go
Selfish, greedy, gluttonous

I wish it were easier, simpler
I wish it were not you
I wish it were not me

Pretending is dangerous
That's why i stay in my dark room
So i won't see what i have become
See my mask
Maybe you won't find me here

All the lights are off
The room is still with darkness

HAPPY NEW YEAR REFLECTION

Well blog it is January 1st, 2009. A whole year has come and gone and of course there have been good times and bad times. Boy did last year just fly by. So many problems so little time. World wide there was the gas problem and the recession. However on a positive note Barack Obama won the presidential campaign (YEA!!!!!) Hopeful all the hype was worthwhile.

Enough about nothing. 2008 has brought me love, laughter, joy and pain. I was given new responsibilities and i abandoned old ones. Mentally i handled all the problems that came my way. Physically i gained a few pounds but who cares you only live once and emotionally well am as happy as i can be with a few ups and downs but hey life can't be perfect and it won't be even when you think it is.

2008 began with a shiny white car, another semester in school and unemployed parents. But i managed to handle all quite well, the latter being the hardest part which am still working on. It also made me a year older 6 days later. Which i celebrated under the stars in an Italian restaurant called Lucianos. I went through valentines more birthdays and holidays coming right back down to another new year. I maintained friendships, rediscovered old ones, made new ones and have created stronger bonds with my family. I must say i was blessed in 2008 and for me to complain would be ungrateful. So i won't. I will take my struggles and continue to hustle.

I didn't come up with a new years resolution because i want to take life as it comes. The only thing i want to do it live my life without hesitation and worry.
2009 Guys...MAKE THIS YOUR YEAR TO SHINE!!!!!

Jealousy

I looked in the mirror and what did i see?
It was jealousy starring right back at me
It envied my eyes and it envied my nose
It envied my smile
It envied my clothes
Jealousy followed me everywhere i went
I couldn't work with out hearing whispering
I couldn't sleep on my soft pillow
Because there were talks about that
Somehow jealousy always knew where i was at
It loved to see me fail and hated to see me prosper
It wanted all possessions and it wanted all my friends
In fact jealousy wanted my life
I had to set jealousy straight and tell it to get the hell out of my face
Because when i look in the mirror all i want to see is peace smiling right back at me

My Favorite gift

Hi blog, seeing that today is christmas i thought that i would write about my favorite gift in my whole lil lifetime.

It wasnt quite Christmas morning but it was along that week. My dad went out and said he'd be right back. Now i don't quite remember when i said i wanted this gift but my dad did.He was only suppose to be going for groceries but there it was, like a glow of light. Nothing else seemed relevant at that time. Now when he first returned i thought i was just helping him bring in the groceries but he came in with this bag full of idk wood chips, which at first glance i thought was dog food. Now idk why i thought it was dog food because at time we didnt even had a dog. But anyways as he proceeded inside there is was hidden behind him....A HAMSTER!!! I absolutely loved it. Furry tiny and all for me. Trixie Twiggy Mollie Smith was its name and i never let him out my site. That was the best present my dad ever gave or anyone else for that matter. Thats the Christmas i remember the most.

How it used to be

Puzzled over how things used to be
That constant i love you and you loving me
All of whats turned into memories
Missing you and our intimacy



Late night visits
Sneaking back at home
Wishing you could come home with me
Wrapped up with someone else



Passion bubbles over and its hard to control
My passion for you is taking its toll
Drawing a line between love and hate
Hating the line thats been draw but its too late

Can't turn back the time

Am forever living the past

Its true what people say forever never lasts

Life

Repeating those famous words from a Tupac song: Why am i trying to live if am just living to die". Isn't life funny? We spend our whole lives trying to accomplish material possesions forgetting that we are leaving them all behind possibly for family members to fight over. So why am i trying to live if am just living to die? Why do i wake up nearly every morning and go to work even when i don't want to? Do i really have to make that money? It has been engrained in our system from before our time that this is the way our life will be. Those fortunate enough will receive a thorough education, get a good job build that house and eventually die in it. I always wonder why God made us to be so monotonous and live such repetitive lifestyle, generation after generation. Are we his little pawns? Is this really why he created us. Well of course you know i have not received and answer to those questions and i have learnt from my grandparents and the little bit of teaching i have gathered from church to not question God and accept things as they are. I was only prompted to write this blog because I was on bet.com looking at a recap of 2008. What stood out to me was all those so called "legends" that died this past year leaving all of their glory and riches behind. Was that what we were meant to do? I just stared at their pictures and tried to think of how their life must have been when they were alive. Most of the pictures had smiling faces.Was that day the greatest moments of their lives? Did they think they would live forever? Did the thought of death cross their minds? Well most of my questions are rhetorical because i think the people with the answers are long gone into dust. But of course i was simply wondering.